Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
