Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
