Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
