I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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