I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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