Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
