What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
