the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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