He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
