I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
