I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
