No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need to align my fucking chakras
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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