Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
