He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
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I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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