I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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