i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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