literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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