if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize