Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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