did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
