Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
