I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
what the fuck happened to the tacos
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
