She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
