fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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