tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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