if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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