could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
