It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
