You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
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woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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