Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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