so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
there is glitter all over my balls
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
