As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
