i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
