I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"