Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor