I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to