I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.