Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im holly from the hills drunk
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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