mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
