That's intense
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
