@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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