Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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