I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
