the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
