He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
