Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
