My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
