You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
