He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
