i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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