I cannot find my penis.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this boner is exhausting
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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