Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Someone signed my nipple.
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