if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
