just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
