is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
