we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
