In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
