Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
