o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
