i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
