I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
