Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
