I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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