Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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