I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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